Tag Archive | all me

Decision Time

I’ve not been happy with my hair for a while. The length is fine, and I’ve gotten accustomed to the fact that it will do what it wants to. The problem is the color. I get foils every 3 months or so, so it’s not my actual color you see. Naturally, I’m quite grey upfront and an ugly mouse ash brown in the back.

I’ve had a variety of red, brown, and occasionally blonde foils added to my hair. I think I’m just sick of the entire process in that it doesn’t STAY. I started going grey at 25, so maybe after 32 years, I have finally come to grips with the fact that I have some grey hair.

No more foils; I’m just going to let it all grow out, and periodically get it cut back until the foils are gone from my hair. This is how it looks today.

Let’s see how this progresses.

E is for Everything

“I Want It All” is one of my favorite songs by Queen. I love the trademark Queen choral send up, the passion in the performance, the lyrics, topped with a solo by Brian May.

This is my “get fired up” song, especially when I’m working out. I do want it all:

Adventure seeker on an empty street,
Just an alley creeper, light on his feet
A young fighter screaming, with no time for doubt
With the pain and anger can’t see a way out,
It ain’t much I’m asking, I heard him say,
Gotta find me a future move out of my way,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,

Listen all you people, come gather round
I gotta get me a game plan, gotta shake you to the ground
Just give me what I know is mine,
People do you hear me, just give me the sign,
It ain’t much I’m asking, if you want the truth
Here’s to the future for the dreams of youth,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,

I’m a man with a one track mind,
So much to do in one life time (people do you hear me)
Not a man for compromise and where’s and why’s and living lies
So I’m living it all, yes I’m living it all,
And I’m giving it all, and I’m giving it all,
It ain’t much I’m asking, if you want the truth,
Here’s to the future, hear the cry of youth,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now,
I want it all, I want it all, I want it all, and I want it now.

Not that I am youthful anymore, but I am doing things, changing things so I can have as much time to get everything I want — or as much “all” as I can actually can do. It’s not money, it’s not things. I want experiences, to see/hear/do the things I am interested in.

So here’s to the dreams of youth — getting fulfilled in late middle age.

Love Thy Enemy

And God said ‘love your enemy, ‘and I obeyed him and loved myself.”
~ Khalil Gibran

Oh those are hard lovely words!
What does loving yourself look like? Is it primarily physical, or primarily mental?
If you love yourself, aren’t you being selfish?

I am my own worst enemy. I am trying to change that but it is hard, hard, hard.
I started a regular schedule of taking my meds and vitamins every morning. While we were in Portland, I just downed a handful of pills every morning at breakfast. I had measured them out for the whole trip. All I had to do was open the container, swallow, and chase it with liquid.

I have two weeks of meds laid out. I refill the case every two weeks. Every morning, I sit at the table by my computer, and send them down the chute.

I’d like to say I feel better. I’d like to say I am now a picture of health. I can say that I take my medication every day. I can say that I am probably better off for doing it.

I don’t know that love has to be a huge gesture, but rather it can be a series of small kindnesses that add up. So right now I am doing one small kindness. Tomorrow, I will start another small kindness that I can do every day — write every day. In two weeks, I will come up with another one.

So tomorrow, after I take my meds, I will do some exercise — one of my interval workouts. Then take a nice shower to take off the sweat. Then I shall sit down and write some morning pages. Then move on with my day. I will have shown myself a bit of love.